Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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