I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
