i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
