have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
