Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I am one with the molecules
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
