Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
