god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
