I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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