wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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