9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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