i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
