I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
