Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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