I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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