There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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