why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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