C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
