he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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