I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
