We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
