You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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