fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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