i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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