She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
