dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
operation have a gay friend backfired
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
