Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
