I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i now understand why vodka
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