I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
