Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
