she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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