can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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