don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
