I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
