TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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