brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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