I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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