Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
