He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
