Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
