Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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