She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
