You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
