JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
