was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
