My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
