I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
