i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I want her autograph on my taint
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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