I feel great
I just peed on a car
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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