So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
