Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
