Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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