I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
