You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
