I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
