who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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